Given the tragic losses experienced in our community, Jeff’s Place would like to offer the following ways to help our grieving children and teens.  Jeff’s Place Children’s Bereavement Center provides peer-based support groups and services to children, from preschool through high school, and families who are coping with a meaningful death loss.  There is no charge for participation in any programs.  Jeff’s Place is a nonprofit, nondenominational organization in Wayland and we greatly appreciate the generous donation of space provided by Temple Shir Tikva for all of our programs. While the majority of children are resilient when coping with trauma and grief, some helpful guidelines include the following:

• Children need honest information, given in developmentally appropriate language 
• A child is never too young to participate in death related rituals
• Children are incredibly perceptive and take behavioral cues from adults around them.
• Although seeing parents/caregivers cry may be scary for children, they need to know that it is healthy to express feelings. 
• Children think differently than adults. Their behaviors may be misinterpreted and adults may think that they are not grieving. 
• Children grow in spurts and grieve in spurts.
• Children often re-grieve as they reach developmental milestones.
• Grieving children and teens often try to protect their parents/caregivers and friends by keeping their painful feelings to themselves, which can be harmful.
• Maintaining memories for bereaved children and incorporating rituals is crucial for healthy integration.
• Those who are grieving are the experts of their own grief.  Ask them what they need!

And here are some things to NOT do….

• Use euphemisms for death, such as “went to sleep” or  “lost”.
• Avoid mentioning the person who died.
• Pretend that nothing has happened.
• Try to explain away feelings.

Try to minimize the loss with statements that indicate that it’s not as bad as it seems. Don’t say…

• Time heals everything
• She/he’s happy now
• I know exactly how you feel
• You need to… (move on, get over it, get involved in other things)
• Be strong for….

How can you help?

• Answer honestly any questions the child may have
• Encourage the child to express their feelings
• Recognize that helping children cope with grief is an ongoing process, not a unique event that occurs at one specific point in time. 
• Children who are bereaved need open support, love and encouragement
• Children are teachers too. Adults need to learn from the child the unique meaning that a loss has to that particular child

For additional resources or referrals, contact Jeff’s Place at www.jeffsplacemetrowest.org or 508-276-3225.